It really bothers me that I won’t be able to spend the summer with Andrew. But this is just another hurdle we will get over.
This is Kobe. Or as I call him, Kobe Baby.
He’s Andrew’s dog. This is by far one of the most loveable big babies in the world. He is huge, definitely one of the biggest dogs I have gotten the pleasure to meet. His favorite toys include a tiny itsy-bitsy tennis ball that squeaks, and anything he can get his paws on and steal away from us. He’s stolen my socks, and pens, and he is a good cuddler. He likes to lay by your feet, and place his paw on top of one of your feet. And the second you pet him, forget it, you’ll be petting him for the next hour. He’s persistent about being pet. He sometimes snores when he sleeps, and I’ve woken him up a few times when he has nightmares. He also likes to wrestle. He likes being outside, especially when there’s snow on the ground, he just rolls around in the snow until he looks like some giant snow monster. Sadly, Kobe will be put down today (Tuesday), and I have never been such a mess. Unfortunately he is very sick, and can barely walk. I know this is my boyfriend’s dog, and I only have known Kobe for 2 years, but I love him like he is my own dog. I love cuddling on the couch with him, even though he’s not supposed to be there. I like how he grunts when you rub his ears. He has the biggest puppy face. And I just wanted to be known that he was an amazing dog. It’s not going to be the same when I go over to Andrew’s house. I won’t have a giant monster run at me and nearly knock me over.
Kobe, I love you so very much.
I’ve never been so glad that someone so amazing came into my life. No matter what mood I am in, Andrew always finds a way to make me smile and laugh. He is one of the sweetest and funniest people I know.
A couple weeks ago I was incredibly upset over god knows what, and he was there hugging me and whispering cute things into my ear, and next thing I know he jumps up and says “Wait! I’ll be right back!” After a few minutes he came back and pulled me upstairs. He made me close my eyes and go into his room, and when I opened my eyes I see that he had a bunch of candles lit.
So corny and cute.
My mom was talking about how if Andrew and I were to have kids, there would be a great chance one of them would be a ginger because I guess we both have that gene.
Can you imagine, a little kid with our frizzy as curly hair. THEN YOU MAKE THAT HAIR RED.
When thinking about what happened yesterday, I just want to cry. I have never felt so horrible about myself, and about the whole situation. I have never felt so helpless, and confused. I have done nothing wrong, yet things were being skewed to make it seem as though I was the villain.
This is real life. There is not just one villain, hero, antagonist, protagonist. We all play each and every single part. We are the one that rises up against all odds, but we are also the person who is sharp with their tongue and can bring someone down in a minute flat. The world is against us, it is also in our favor.
I have never wanted someone to walk a mile in my shoes more than I have now. I just want this person to see how this really is. How unfair and unjust this all is. The situation that occurred can ruin everything that we have been building. It would destroy me if that were to happen. Please find it in your heart, mind, and soul to understand and try to see things from my perspective.
I’m sorry.
The girlfriend experience
This is me. 100%.
There are critical moments in your life where you suddenly realize what you really want. Moments where you realize “Wow, this is what I truly want. Holy shit, I can’t believe it’s already happening.” One of these moments happened to me tonight roughly around 10pm in the middle of a movie theater. I was midlaugh when all of a sudden a moment of absolute clarity washed over me. This is going to seem corny as fuck, but it’s the truth. Midlaugh I realize that Andrew and I are on the verge of becoming real adults. We are growing up, and in the next few months we are both going to have to overcome a lot of obstacles. We may have to make some sacrifices, but that’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, because as long as we both stay strong we will accomplish so many great things. I want him, and a life with him. I want to have him in my life until I’m old and crazy. I want us to overcome each obstacle thrown at us. I want what’s best for him, and I want what’s best for me. I want us to succeed in this world. I want nothing more than to have him be mine for the rest of my life. I also realized in this moment of clarity that he is so different, this is so different than any other relationship I’ve been in. This is serious stuff. What I thought to be serious before is just child shit in reality. But this is a whole different ball game. It’s scary, and kind of awesome. Wow. Holy shit, I want to marry this guy. And have kids with his color eyes, and my color hair. I want to make breakfast together, or suddenly get a weird hobby that the other secretly hates. I want a dog that neither of us want to walk, but do it anyway because that dog will be one of the few things in life that we both love unconditionally. I want it all, the good stuff and the bad. Just wow, I’ve never felt this way. Is this what love is really like? Is this part of growing up? Just wow.
So Andrew applied to a really great internship with Amazon in Seattle. His good friend works there, and I guess is putting in a good word or something. I really hope he gets it. God knows he has the talent and skill. I want good things for him, even if that means he’d be far away.
CS Lewis: To love at all (x)
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Andrew fixed my heart.
Andrew talked to me today about how I need to start loving myself more, because it’s just my crazy thoughts that bring me down.
